Diary Post: My Explanation

12:40 PM

I guess I should start off by saying that I haven't been updating my "public" social media (this blog, twitter, Youtube, etc). It got me thinking that I should probably update everyone so that I doesn't look like I died or something LOL! I don't know if it's depressed me talking or if I'm just tired. I've been stuck in a creative lull recently. I don't feel motivated to write, draw, or edit anything. I have so many photos from when I went on vacation, but I don't want to post them just yet because it's not "perfect"? I don't know if that makes sense.

I have high expectations for myself when it comes to this blog. I don't want to just post the photos without giving context or writing something along with them. I'm not sure if I've just run out of creativity or if I'm just stuck in a mild depressive state. It just isn't fun anymore. Like I used to be so excited to share everything, but now I feel like I need to spend more time living outside of the web. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed because I know that I only have a semester left until I graduate college and the thought entering the real world scares me? 

I've spent the past 18 years of my life in school, and by the middle of next year, I'm going to be out of school. It's actually kinda scary thinking about what lies beyond school. I'm gonna actually go out and get a "real job"! (LOL I'm making it seem a lot worse than it probably is!)

Recently, I've been procrastinating on everything (school work, blog posts, social media, etc). I've always been a procrastinator, but not at the level I am currently at. I'm beginning to realize that this is my way of delaying the moving forward of my life. I think it is because I am actually really content with the way things are right now, and the thought of things changing is scary. Up to this point in my life, I've been really happy. Everything has worked out in my favor recently. Things are great! 

I think I'm just scared that life is going to randomly throw me a curve ball and everything is going to change. I don't want to face the future so I'm trying to drag on this moment in time. I need to stop. There is so much up ahead that's waiting for me, but it feels so uncertain. I guess that's why I've been away for so long. 

Well, this is me putting my foot to the gas and shifting gears into drive. I've made it out of the dark valley and now I'm moving on towards the city.

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