Diary Post: I Am Incredibly Lucky

8:01 PM

I feel like I haven't been able to write down my thoughts on here for a while. So now I'm back with another Diary Post! If you're looking for fancy pictures with snarky captions, I'm sorry to disappoint you. There will not be any photos in this post. I just feel like delving into my inner most thoughts.

I've been stuck in a weird emotional limbo the past few days. Sometimes I just felt so down for no reason. Then I had this fleeting thought in my mind:

I AM INCREDIBLY LUCKY

I don't mean this in a showing off way. Not in the way that you would think of either! I have so much love and support from people in my life. I have a family who accepts my goals and dreams. They miss me when I'm not at home! They come to visit me when they get the chance. I have a boyfriend who is willing to comfort me when I'm sad. I have great roommates to keep me company when I'm in the apartment. I picked a major that I feel deeply connected to. I feel like I should be waking up extremely grateful everyday.

Life is interesting. For a long time, I feel like I didn't really fit in. I felt like a girl who was constantly running away from herself. I was someone who was ignoring their emotional pain and bottling up their anger inside. I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. After a while, I felt like I didn't have anywhere else to run to. I just sat in my own darkness and I've come to find myself. Sometimes, you have to go through the uncomfortable moments. You gotta sit through and look to the mirror and accept yourself for who you are. Know that your emotions are valid. Know that the feelings you have inside show that you're alive. Know that your life is worth living.

I looked outside the window and thought "Man, if I were to have ended my life 5 years ago I wouldn't have experienced all the things I have today."

These past few months have been life changing! Looking at the calendar, my first semester of University is almost coming to an end. I don't feel like I'm the same person as I was a few months ago. I've grown up! I've been on this soul searching journey and I can't say that I'm the least bit disappointed in what I've become.

I've learned to let go of things that bring me no joy. I've learned that the road ahead feels lonely, but I've met so many new people and had so many new experiences. I wouldn't change them for a time of familiarity. I hope one day, the people who didn't believe in me look back at my life and see how much I've changed.

I'm going to challenge myself to become better. To live this life the way that I want and worry about what comes out of it later on~!

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