The Valley Calls for Me. I say, "No"

12:05 AM

I can't sleep so I decided to write this blogpost. I survived my first day of class at my new school. I've been in college for a while now (3 years to be exact) so none of this really felt new to me. I guess nothing much has changed. I go to class, walk around campus, then go back to my room. I only had two classes today, but I'm beginning to wonder if I bit off more than I can chew. One of my classes seems like it's going to be difficult.

You know how I was mentioning how I felt sick? Well I still feel sick at this moment. I haven't exactly felt fine since the move. My stomach is killing me. I have no idea if it's the stomach flu or some kind of nutritional deficiency. I am a sensitive person. The littlest things just make me feel sick. The older I get, the more I seem to feel it.

I was laying in bed at first and I just felt so sad for some reason. I know this is a transitioning period in my life, but something just isn't sitting right in my mind. I just felt so lonely. It might just be a little bit of homesick creeping in. I just had a lot of thoughts in my mind.

I remember about last year in August, I was laying on my couch completely miserable out of my mind. This was around the time I was thinking about switching from nursing major to psychology major. I remember listening to the song "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by A Day to Remember after I decided to drop my Human Physiology class because I was failing.

"I hate this town. It's so washed up and all my friends don't give a fuck.
Don't tell me that it's just bad luck. When will I find where I fit in?"

These lines still feel true. I felt so suffocated in my hometown. It felt like I was going to be trapped there. Seeing the same ten people, doing the same mundane things, living the pretend perfect life I made up in my mind. If I didn't leave, I think I would've became more insane. Now that I've moved out, I feel like I've finally crawled out of the valley that I was trapped in for so long. But once I reached the top of the mountain and looked down, I realized there is this long road of uncertainty ahead of me. 

I mean, it's not like I don't miss my home. I actually find myself thinking about my family more. However, looking to the road ahead, I'm sure that any road is better than retreating back to the valley behind me. Will I continue to question if Psychology is the right major for me? Yes, all the time. What I do know is that, no matter how many times I question myself over my major in Psych, I am still 10 times happier than when I was doing nursing. I don't think I'm ever going to look back. All I can do is move forward. 

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